RUN, It's OK.

By Meg McCarrick

Around the time that I realized not everyone ran, I also realized not everyone wanted to talk about running.  I know, head-scratcher.  I just can't help it, I feel compelled to discuss my runs for the week or a new PR or about what so-and-so did when we ran at such-and-such place. I very literally throw a hand over my mouth when I pass the two-minute mark of "run speak" with a non-runner.  Non-runners don’t care.  Very simply because they don’t understand.  Try explaining to someone who doesn’t run about a “good sore”, “natural buzz”, or shoes, pace, terrain, elevation.  Prepare for glazed eyes and an occasional nod or “uh-huh”.  Sometimes that response is out of kindness, sometimes jealousy, but I think mostly it’s just disinterest.  Recently, I have been taking special care to recognize the indifference of non-runners as just that.  Shut up about the race, ask about their kids.

Imagine running as this grand and hefty book, as old and worn as time itself.  This tome is made of sections ranging from weekend sidewalk trots to week long mountain sky runs.  A lot of people never open the book.  Once you choose to, it can be so overwhelming that you slam it shut and never look back.  But, for some of us, we start slowly at page one and witness a world that gives back just as much effort as we put in.  You can’t explain that feeling of enlightenment.  You have to experience it for yourself.  Once you do, your life does actually change.  No wonder it is challenging not to desperately share (or force upon? semantics) the stories of running.

Often, I am faced with the dilemma of telling the truth about my running.  I can’t make it out for drinks because I plan to run early the next day.  I can’t take the kids to the park right after school because I really need a shower.  That weekend might be bad for us, I'm still trying to get my run in and make it to a race to watch friends cross the finish line.  I didn’t grocery shop, I snuck a run in, and now I have to take both kids shopping or I might just trick them into eating an oversized portion of kale salad with the promise of popcorn later. 

Non-runners, NRs, all have the same basic war cry, “You are running too much!!!!!”  For those of you who have heard it before, we all know what we would like to say, and it is not usually nice.  Sometimes, criticism comes from parties that we can't just blow off.  I am talking about a spouse, parent, child.  

Let’s first look at the significant other.  Sure, needing to depend on a spouse to watch our shared children (they do belong to both of us, after all) might come as an inconvenience from time to time, but the benefits of great attitude, higher energy and physical fitness are best not overlooked.  Personally, it has taken me a little while to figure it out, but encouraging passion in your significant other ultimately strengthens a relationship.   Giving your partner the go-ahead to chase a dream is an invaluable step toward a relationship based on respect.  It's a two-way street, and there's a learning curve.  But, starting by explaining the passion is sometimes all it takes.

Parents, I LOVE my mother, but if there is anyone on this earth that knows how to push my buttons more effectively than her, I hope our paths never cross.  She doesn’t “get” running.  Sharing my running accomplishments with her makes me happy and she can take a pretty good dose of it, but with one sharp, “Meg, I think you might be overdoing it” I decide I will NEVER discuss mileage or running schedules with her ever, ever again.  I try to make light of it, change the subject and then, for the rest of the day, doubt whether I should even go on my next run.  Sure, my free time might not include a daily hour-long conversation with her, and a lot of times that is because that hour includes a run...well I’m sorry, I will call you tomorrow, mom.  

Children. I am pretty lucky here, I scoot my hellraisers all over this town to get to their education and extracurriculars.  I feed, clothe, protect, and teach them.  I love them without any boundaries.  But, dude, Mommy’s gotta run to keep that up.  Fortunately, they are a big fan of the running as long as I let them GPS their jaunts around the house from time to time.  And if I can keep my 7 year old from asking if I ran a hundred miles while he was at school, I might just keep him around.  “18. 18, still pretty good, give me a break, kid!”  Hand the 4 year-old a cow bell and we're golden.

I run a lot.  It’s no secret.  It’s not something that I am ashamed of, but I do feel that I have to hide it in conversation with many NRs.  If I was to say, “Yeah, I need one more short run, five miles, to get in my 50 mile week”, the fogged stare ensues and then the inevitable, “Why do you run so much?” or “How does your family feel about all the running?” (passive aggressive, much?)  Or, by far the most crushing, “You don’t make time for me anymore, just for the running.”  Ugh, cry me a river.  We're all adults here.  The daily battle between "need to" and "want to" usually balances out alright, but small sacrifices for sanity happen along the way, and you find that "want to" usually takes a back seat.   There's just not as much time for "want to".  That running that I chose over arranging a lunch date might have saved me from throwing in the towel on complaining kids, errands, a burnt dinner or a flooded basement.

Of course, there are those kind folks that just don’t want to watch you struggle or to be in pain.  Well, running is hard.  I get sore.  I have to recognize where they are coming from without making an excuse for my running.  I have to appreciate their concern without internalizing it too much.  It's tough, but I have to realize that they don’t HAVE to understand why I run.  

Disapproval from acquaintances or "non-essential personnel" can be let go with relative ease (though keeping this honest, some times not until after I "run on it").  The harshest judgements are those that come from close friends.  In my opinion, having a friend upset with me over running is the worst.  One of my NR friends recently said she thinks it’s "just best that we go our separate ways".  I really did try prioritizing her functions, even when it cost me a run day, but too often for her, I scheduled around runs and she felt like her value was less than my need for mileage.  It's a loss I've struggled with.  Last week I was asked to blow off a Third Thursday because a visiting NR friend doesn’t want my attention divided while she's in town.  I begged for her sensitivity regarding my "current obsession" (her words) and dedication.  Some pouting, whining and belittling later, I came out on the other side having not sacrificed my monthly commitment and still hanging on to a friendship.  Phew!/WTH?   I want my NR friends to see that I choose them.  But, I also have to choose running.  

So, maybe I screwed up, I cracked open that big running book.  I read it.  I'm still reading it.  I can’t unknow the feeling of a great run.  The rewards of training for mental synchrony and optimal muscle performance are ingrained in me now.  I am not giving that up.  What's really most important is that I choose to be OK with that.  

Meghan McCarrick lives in Washington, Mo., eats copious amounts of kale and runs 30 to 50 miles a week, usually with her dog, Magpie.